fic snippet: tentacles
Sep. 6th, 2009 03:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sailorstkwrningi broke off a tiny bit of my block, and 1564 words came out. This bit takes place post-funeral, and so is somewhat sad. But there are brighter things coming! (Very bright. Shiny. Fiery, even.)
When they get back, it's tense. Brendon and Jon are careful with Ryan, which only makes him mean. It doesn't help that Ryan won't sleep and barely eats, and what he does get down doesn't stay with him long. Spencer makes Zack stop at every specialty grocery store they can find and buys a million little plastic containers of overpriced food. Ryan eats none of it, preferring to live on Capri Sun and crackers. Two containers start growing mold before Spencer caves and lets Jon and Brendon eat what they want and give the remainder to the crew. Everyone they know calls Spencer and stammers through variations on I'm so sorry and If there's anything you need let us know.
Spencer has no idea what he or Ryan or anyone needs. Spencer wants a nap, a Big Mac and his mom, roughly in that order. Spencer plays two, three, four shows in a haze. He and Brendon go out to talk to the kids afterwards, and Spencer signs whatever they hand to him and doesn't look at their anxious, worried expressions. One or two or ten or twenty of them risk Zack's wrath to reach out and pet Spencer's forearms and squeeze his hands as he passes things back over the barrier. Sometimes he wants to climb up and over and throw himself to their mercy. Other times he wants to run back to the bus and never come out again. Mostly, though, he's grateful. He squeezes back, when he can, and it eases the ache in his chest.
In amid the general high-pitched roar Spencer can hear voices whispering, asking about Ryan. Brendon tells them soothing lies. Ryan is sad but he's okay, he says, over and over again, and Spencer takes a lot of deep breaths and pulls a smile out of somewhere. There's always one or two, bolder than the rest, who ask flat out why Ryan doesn't come out. Ryan needs to rest, Brendon says, gentle but reproachful, as if Ryan is ill, as if Ryan might someday get better.
They finally get a hotel night, and Spencer doesn't even bother waiting for Zack to check them in, he just carries Ryan down to the pool and puts him in the water. Ryan sinks down to the bottom almost immediately. Amanda and Brian show up a few minutes later. She's still in her bucket from the stage, and Spencer can see faint smudges of paint lingering on her chest between the folds of her silky dressing gown. Brian is still dressed like a cross between the devil and a riverboat pirate. He's got an armful of towels and a plastic bag full of something that smells really good is hanging off one of his wrists. Spencer's mouth fills with saliva and he wonders what Brendon and Jon got for dinner, and if they might have saved some for him.
Amanda glances at Spencer and he shrugs. He doesn't know what to tell anyone anymore. She narrows her eyes at the water and shimmies out of her dressing gown. She takes her hair down next, unpinning her braids and pulling them out with her fingers. Brian sets the towels and the bag of food down and leans over to help her peel out of the corset. Spencer mostly looks at his knees, still vaguely embarrassed even though he's probably seen her topless eight million times by now. When he bullies himself into looking at her again, she's wearing a sleeveless t-shirt. She swings her tentacles around and perches on the edge of her bucket for a minute before letting Brian lift her up and lower her into the water.
"Fuck me, it's cold," she says, sculling backwards.
She tilts her head back and arches her back so her tentacles flare out to match her hair belling out behind her. They're still mostly black, from being in the pot, but there are pale blue streaks starting at her tips that are expanding rapidly. (Ryan, at the bottom of the pool, is already mostly white, matching the tiles, though Spencer can see tiny streaks of black.) She stretches her arms out and up, holding the stretch for a moment before relaxing back down. Brian kicks some water at her and she slaps two tentacles down, spraying him gently, before flipping over and diving.
Spencer watches her descend, and settle at Ryan's shoulder. He's pretty sure he shouldn't be watching this, but he's afraid to leave them alone, unprotected, in a strange place. Brian pokes his shoulder, distracting him, and when he looks up Brian is waving a cellphone at him.
"She'll call if she needs anything," Brian says, his mouth curving in a small smile. "Now let's go find your boys."
Brian puts his hand out and Spencer takes it, lets Brian haul him to his feet and lead him upstairs to Brendon and Jon. They're barely through the door when Jon pushes Spencer into the bathroom and commands him to shower. It isn't his turn but Spencer doesn't argue, just stands under the hot water for a long time, resting his head on the tile, tapping out an anxious, absent rhythm with his fingertips. When he comes out the table is full of Indian food. Spencer finds some mostly not-dirty clothes to put on and grabs his phone, then sits down on the bed to wait while the others fill their plates. Whoever gets the hotel shower is last to the table, that's always been the rule. He's surprised when Brendon climbs up next to him and hands him a takeout container full of chicken korma and rice.
Spencer eats slowly, slumped against Brendon's shoulder. Brian tells stories about clubs in Boston and Brendon laughs for the first time in days. The vibrations keep Spencer awake for a while, but eventually his eyes start to close without his consent. Someone takes the container of food from him, and he feels hands on him, easing him down into Brendon's lap, and then he's out. He wakes up because his phone is vibrating. He doesn't even bother to check who it is, just wriggles free of Brendon (Jon and Brian have disappeared) and goes down to the pool. He finds Amanda sitting on a ledge in the pool with Ryan curled up against her chest. Their tentacles are intertwined and Spencer thinks Ryan might be asleep.
"Did he eat?" He asks. His brain feels fuzzy, and he senses a headache building as his stomach starts to twist. He gets so hungry watching Ryan not eat.
"A little," she says, tilting her head at a half-full box of Chicken McNuggets that hadn't been there when Spencer left.
"Is he okay?" Spencer says, knowing it's a dumb question.
He wants to ask her what he did wrong, why he couldn't be comforting. Why he couldn't help Ryan sleep, or find something that Ryan would eat. He had tried so hard. His stomach twists again. She beckons him over and he goes to her, sits down. The water is cold, and it's too late at night for that to be comforting.
"He will be," Amanda says, and pulls Spencer close, too, kisses his forehead, his eyelids when he closes his eyes. "He will be."
Spencer rests his head on her shoulder. He feels a tentacle wrap itself around his hand and he's not sure if it's Ryan's or Amanda's. He fights to keep his breathing steady.
"Love him just as you have been," she says quietly, kissing his forehead and squeezing his shoulders. "You've done nothing wrong. He's a mess but that isn't your fault. And he'll get better."
Spencer feels something come unstuck in his chest and then he's crying again, goddamn it. He pulls his knees up and curls into her, trying to hold his breath, hold everything back, but it won't work, and he can't stop. He tries to tell her he's sorry, he's not always this much of a child, but the words won't come out right. Amanda shushes him and squeezes his shoulders again, rocking them back and forth with slow movements of her larger tentacles and carding two of the smaller ones through Spencer's hair. When Spencer manages to pull himself together he has a headache and his face feels swollen, but he does actually feel better, lighter, somehow.
He rests against her shoulder until Brian comes back with her bucket. Amanda kisses Spencer's face one last time then untangles herself from Ryan and decants him into Spencer's arms. When Ryan is settled she hoists herself up on the side of the pool and swings herself into the bucket in a graceful swirl of pearlescent blue tentacles.
Spencer struggles to his feet and takes Ryan upstairs. When he gets there, Jon and Brendon have pushed the beds together and made a nest for him and Ryan between them. Spencer puts Ryan down on the damp towels waiting in the middle of the bed, and Brendon wraps Ryan up for the night while Spencer washes his face and changes out of his wet clothes. Jon gives him a bottle of water and Spencer drinks all of it before he crawls in next to Ryan. Jon curls up behind him and links hands with Brendon across his and Ryan's bodies. Spencer starts sniffling again, and hides his face in Ryan's hair. Jon burrows closer and Brendon starts to hum low in his throat, and Spencer's so tired it's not long before he's out.
When they get back, it's tense. Brendon and Jon are careful with Ryan, which only makes him mean. It doesn't help that Ryan won't sleep and barely eats, and what he does get down doesn't stay with him long. Spencer makes Zack stop at every specialty grocery store they can find and buys a million little plastic containers of overpriced food. Ryan eats none of it, preferring to live on Capri Sun and crackers. Two containers start growing mold before Spencer caves and lets Jon and Brendon eat what they want and give the remainder to the crew. Everyone they know calls Spencer and stammers through variations on I'm so sorry and If there's anything you need let us know.
Spencer has no idea what he or Ryan or anyone needs. Spencer wants a nap, a Big Mac and his mom, roughly in that order. Spencer plays two, three, four shows in a haze. He and Brendon go out to talk to the kids afterwards, and Spencer signs whatever they hand to him and doesn't look at their anxious, worried expressions. One or two or ten or twenty of them risk Zack's wrath to reach out and pet Spencer's forearms and squeeze his hands as he passes things back over the barrier. Sometimes he wants to climb up and over and throw himself to their mercy. Other times he wants to run back to the bus and never come out again. Mostly, though, he's grateful. He squeezes back, when he can, and it eases the ache in his chest.
In amid the general high-pitched roar Spencer can hear voices whispering, asking about Ryan. Brendon tells them soothing lies. Ryan is sad but he's okay, he says, over and over again, and Spencer takes a lot of deep breaths and pulls a smile out of somewhere. There's always one or two, bolder than the rest, who ask flat out why Ryan doesn't come out. Ryan needs to rest, Brendon says, gentle but reproachful, as if Ryan is ill, as if Ryan might someday get better.
They finally get a hotel night, and Spencer doesn't even bother waiting for Zack to check them in, he just carries Ryan down to the pool and puts him in the water. Ryan sinks down to the bottom almost immediately. Amanda and Brian show up a few minutes later. She's still in her bucket from the stage, and Spencer can see faint smudges of paint lingering on her chest between the folds of her silky dressing gown. Brian is still dressed like a cross between the devil and a riverboat pirate. He's got an armful of towels and a plastic bag full of something that smells really good is hanging off one of his wrists. Spencer's mouth fills with saliva and he wonders what Brendon and Jon got for dinner, and if they might have saved some for him.
Amanda glances at Spencer and he shrugs. He doesn't know what to tell anyone anymore. She narrows her eyes at the water and shimmies out of her dressing gown. She takes her hair down next, unpinning her braids and pulling them out with her fingers. Brian sets the towels and the bag of food down and leans over to help her peel out of the corset. Spencer mostly looks at his knees, still vaguely embarrassed even though he's probably seen her topless eight million times by now. When he bullies himself into looking at her again, she's wearing a sleeveless t-shirt. She swings her tentacles around and perches on the edge of her bucket for a minute before letting Brian lift her up and lower her into the water.
"Fuck me, it's cold," she says, sculling backwards.
She tilts her head back and arches her back so her tentacles flare out to match her hair belling out behind her. They're still mostly black, from being in the pot, but there are pale blue streaks starting at her tips that are expanding rapidly. (Ryan, at the bottom of the pool, is already mostly white, matching the tiles, though Spencer can see tiny streaks of black.) She stretches her arms out and up, holding the stretch for a moment before relaxing back down. Brian kicks some water at her and she slaps two tentacles down, spraying him gently, before flipping over and diving.
Spencer watches her descend, and settle at Ryan's shoulder. He's pretty sure he shouldn't be watching this, but he's afraid to leave them alone, unprotected, in a strange place. Brian pokes his shoulder, distracting him, and when he looks up Brian is waving a cellphone at him.
"She'll call if she needs anything," Brian says, his mouth curving in a small smile. "Now let's go find your boys."
Brian puts his hand out and Spencer takes it, lets Brian haul him to his feet and lead him upstairs to Brendon and Jon. They're barely through the door when Jon pushes Spencer into the bathroom and commands him to shower. It isn't his turn but Spencer doesn't argue, just stands under the hot water for a long time, resting his head on the tile, tapping out an anxious, absent rhythm with his fingertips. When he comes out the table is full of Indian food. Spencer finds some mostly not-dirty clothes to put on and grabs his phone, then sits down on the bed to wait while the others fill their plates. Whoever gets the hotel shower is last to the table, that's always been the rule. He's surprised when Brendon climbs up next to him and hands him a takeout container full of chicken korma and rice.
Spencer eats slowly, slumped against Brendon's shoulder. Brian tells stories about clubs in Boston and Brendon laughs for the first time in days. The vibrations keep Spencer awake for a while, but eventually his eyes start to close without his consent. Someone takes the container of food from him, and he feels hands on him, easing him down into Brendon's lap, and then he's out. He wakes up because his phone is vibrating. He doesn't even bother to check who it is, just wriggles free of Brendon (Jon and Brian have disappeared) and goes down to the pool. He finds Amanda sitting on a ledge in the pool with Ryan curled up against her chest. Their tentacles are intertwined and Spencer thinks Ryan might be asleep.
"Did he eat?" He asks. His brain feels fuzzy, and he senses a headache building as his stomach starts to twist. He gets so hungry watching Ryan not eat.
"A little," she says, tilting her head at a half-full box of Chicken McNuggets that hadn't been there when Spencer left.
"Is he okay?" Spencer says, knowing it's a dumb question.
He wants to ask her what he did wrong, why he couldn't be comforting. Why he couldn't help Ryan sleep, or find something that Ryan would eat. He had tried so hard. His stomach twists again. She beckons him over and he goes to her, sits down. The water is cold, and it's too late at night for that to be comforting.
"He will be," Amanda says, and pulls Spencer close, too, kisses his forehead, his eyelids when he closes his eyes. "He will be."
Spencer rests his head on her shoulder. He feels a tentacle wrap itself around his hand and he's not sure if it's Ryan's or Amanda's. He fights to keep his breathing steady.
"Love him just as you have been," she says quietly, kissing his forehead and squeezing his shoulders. "You've done nothing wrong. He's a mess but that isn't your fault. And he'll get better."
Spencer feels something come unstuck in his chest and then he's crying again, goddamn it. He pulls his knees up and curls into her, trying to hold his breath, hold everything back, but it won't work, and he can't stop. He tries to tell her he's sorry, he's not always this much of a child, but the words won't come out right. Amanda shushes him and squeezes his shoulders again, rocking them back and forth with slow movements of her larger tentacles and carding two of the smaller ones through Spencer's hair. When Spencer manages to pull himself together he has a headache and his face feels swollen, but he does actually feel better, lighter, somehow.
He rests against her shoulder until Brian comes back with her bucket. Amanda kisses Spencer's face one last time then untangles herself from Ryan and decants him into Spencer's arms. When Ryan is settled she hoists herself up on the side of the pool and swings herself into the bucket in a graceful swirl of pearlescent blue tentacles.
Spencer struggles to his feet and takes Ryan upstairs. When he gets there, Jon and Brendon have pushed the beds together and made a nest for him and Ryan between them. Spencer puts Ryan down on the damp towels waiting in the middle of the bed, and Brendon wraps Ryan up for the night while Spencer washes his face and changes out of his wet clothes. Jon gives him a bottle of water and Spencer drinks all of it before he crawls in next to Ryan. Jon curls up behind him and links hands with Brendon across his and Ryan's bodies. Spencer starts sniffling again, and hides his face in Ryan's hair. Jon burrows closer and Brendon starts to hum low in his throat, and Spencer's so tired it's not long before he's out.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-09-06 08:29 am (UTC)(tentacles are back! how much do i love that you've made amanda tentacled too? A WHOLE LOT. and spencer and the whole hurt-reflected-in-another-hurt and how much i missed this story, ohh)
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Date: 2009-09-07 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-06 03:26 pm (UTC)God I love this verse. ;__;
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Date: 2009-09-07 02:21 am (UTC)